


You're Crazy (i'm out of my mind)

by SophieRosina



Series: You're Crazy (and i'm out of my mind) [5]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Insanity, Lazarus Pit, Rebirth, Reunion, Technically this one isn't a drabble, but who cares?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-04
Updated: 2015-09-04
Packaged: 2018-04-19 00:31:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4726055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophieRosina/pseuds/SophieRosina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You’re dead… I saw you die.”<br/>“I… I know.” He stepped even closer, and her back bumped against the wall. “Felicity, please… I, I n-needed to s-see you.”<br/>She opened her mouth, but no words came out.<br/>“Felicity,” he pleaded, and it was at that moment she noticed the difference in his eyes. “I need your h-h-help.”</p><p> Fifth in a series of related drabbles set during and after 2x23. Inspired by John Legend's 'All Of Me'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're Crazy (i'm out of my mind)

_You’re crazy, and I’m out of my mind.  
_

All Of Me - John Legend

 

With a heavy sigh, Felicity pushed her apartment door closed and leaned back against it. She dropped her purse to the floor, not caring where or how it landed, and closed her eyes, breathing in deep, slow breaths.

Fitting back into her role as technical support for _The Arrow_ had been impossible at first, and the three months that had passed since Oliver’s death had only made it the tiniest bit easier. Loyal even after his passing, Diggle, Roy and Felicity had held up the _Arrow_ charade, with Roy now donning the green hood while the others provided backup. In the wake of Slade’s attack, Starling City needed _The Arrow_ more than ever, both as a symbol of strength and of hope, but for Felicity it meant more than that.

For her, it meant honoring the silent vow she had made when she first committed herself to the team, to Oliver, and no matter how agonizing it was to walk into the new foundry every day, right over the spot that took her from him, it made her feel like she had a purpose, somehow, that she wasn’t letting his sacrifice go to waste.

On days like this, though, remembering that was hard.

There were rumors circling round that a new form of Vertigo was in the pipeline, led by a new ‘Count’ that was twice as deadly as his predecessor. Felicity, Roy and Diggle had spent hours upon hours scouring the crime networks for any hint of truth to the rumors, actively seeking out the higher level drug dealers that had been preying on those who had fallen victim to the city’s destruction. So far, they had nothing conclusive, but that didn’t mean any of them were prepared to give up. Roy, for Thea. Felicity, for Oliver.

Suddenly exhausted, Felicity opened her eyes and slowly began to make her way further into the apartment, flicking on the lights as she did so.

If the draft blowing across her skin from her previously closed window hadn’t been enough to make the hairs at the back of her neck stand on end, the shadow she saw out of the corner of her eye certainly was.

“Felicity.”

She turned her head in the direction of her name and froze.

“Felicity?”

She staggered backwards, shaking her head.

“No… No…” she whimpered. She put her hands up, like she could push the image back… “You’re dead… I saw you die.”

“I… I know.” He stepped even closer, and her back bumped against the wall. “Felicity, please… I, I n-needed to s-see you.”

She opened her mouth, but no words came out.

“ _Felicity_ ,” he pleaded, and it was at that moment she noticed the differencein his eyes. “I need your h-h-help.”

“Oliver.” Saying his name was salvation and damnation all at once.

“It’s me,” he confirmed, reaching out for her hands. “I don’t have muc-much time. They’re coming for me.”

“Who are?” Felicity didn’t understand, gaze locked on his warm fingers as they tangled with hers. “I don’t…”

“The League,” he replied impatiently, eyes flashing with something she couldn’t identify again as he ran his hands through his hair. Her fingers felt cold in the absence of his. “Please… I shouldn’t be here, I shouldn’t… I need to hide.”

“Okay,” she breathed, body suddenly springing to action. Guiding him by the hand, she dragged him over to her bedroom, locking the door behind them before running over to the window and closing the curtains tight.

In the semi-darkness, she could barely make out Oliver’s shaking form, and as the adrenaline and shock began to fade, she was able to take in how jittery and on edge he was in a way she’d never thought him capable.

“Oliver, what’s-”

Quicker than she could comprehend, he was right in front of her, reaching out to touch her hair, her hips, her waist…

“I miss you,” he muttered quickly, shaking his head. “Fe-li-ci-ty… My Felicity… Never gonna hurt you, they’re wrong, you’re my Felicity…”

“What?” She covered his hands with hers, stilling them. _He was real._ “Oliver, what do you mean?”

“The League,” he sighed, like it was obvious, gaze darting manically from her, to the room, and back again. “They think I’m going to hurt you, that it’s too soon, the pit, it… it changes you, but I would never hurt you, Felicity, could never hurt you, you’re…”

He trailed off, then smiled, like he’d never been happier.

“You’re so beautiful.”

He kissed her then, all warmth and urgency and passion and _real…_ everything her worst nightmares and greatest dreams had spent months conjuring for her.

“How are you here?” she had to ask, lips brushing against his as she spoke.

“I don’t know,” he replied honestly. “I don’t really… I woke up and there was all this _light_ and you weren’t there and they told me, they told me I couldn’t see you again, that I might hurt you, and then they locked me somewhere, I don’t… I don’t…”

“Shhhh…” Felicity cupped his face in her hands, felt him relax against her. “It’s okay.”

“Felicity,” he murmured, like he couldn’t stop. “Felicity, I miss you. I need you. I-”

This time, it was she who initiated the kiss. Oliver groaned lowly, hands gripping her hips tight, too tight, but she didn’t care. He was real, he was here, he was breathing… He coaxed her lips to part with his own, tongue soothing the pressure as he pulled her against him roughly, suddenly consumed by his need for her.

“Oliver…”

He walked her backwards until her knees hit the bed, gently laying her down as he lowered himself atop her, refusing to let their lips part for more than a second. She ran her hands along his sides, brushing over the place that once took him from her, but she didn’t care anymore, she just wanted _him_ , and that was all that mattered.

“Fuck.” The curse was loud enough to shock her back to reality, and as quickly as he’d begun, Oliver stopped, rolling away from her with his hands clutching his head. “No, no, no…”

“Oliver? What’s happening?”

He groaned, eyes screwed up against the pain. “Felicity…”

“Hey,” she breathed as she closed the distance between them again, resting her hand on his upper back. His shaking body calmed beneath her touch, and the pain seemed to ease.

“I can’t control myself,” he confessed. “I don’t… Nyssa, she said it’s temporary. That once it wears off, I’ll be okay. But I can’t… I shouldn’t be here, what if I hurt you? What if I kill you? Felicity, I don’t-”

“Look at me,” she urged, prying his hands away from his head. When he eventually met her gaze, she realized what that something in his eyes had been. Madness. “This pit…”

“They called it Lazarus, I’m…” He frowned, took a deep breath, refocused on her. “I think I died, and somehow, this thing, it brought me back, but now… It’s like I’m losing my mind.”

“Oh, Oliver…” She reached up and ran her hand over his hair, soothing him.

“It’s easier, now,” he confessed as he turned towards her. “With you. Before, all I knew was I needed to get to you, and now I’m here, it’s like I can think again.”

A tear spilled down her cheek. “I know the feeling.”

“Please don’t cry.” The words were spoken with such gentleness, Felicity could almost believe the old Oliver was back, that he’d never left, but then a car horn beeped outside and suddenly Oliver was on high alert again.

“They’re here,” he hissed, panic combining with the manic look in his eyes. “They’re going to kill me. Felicity, hide, please, they’re-”

Felicity rushed to grab his arm before he could leave, but he shrugged her off, hands pulling at his hair as he fought off whatever madness was wreaking havoc on his mind.

“Oliver,” she pleaded. “Oliver, look at me!”

“You’re not real, are you?” he whispered, shaking his head. “This isn’t real. You’re not here. I didn’t escape, I’m…”

“Oliver!” she snapped.

He inhaled sharply, and Felicity used his momentary stillness to grasp hold of his wrists, coaxing his hands to lower.

“It’s okay,” she murmured. “You’re okay. They’re not here.”

“You used your loud voice,” he whispered.

She smiled despite herself. “I know.”

“I’m sorry.” Oliver held her gaze as he came back to himself. “I’m sorry I came here. I’m not… _right_ , yet, and I shouldn’t have-”

“Don’t.” She entwined their fingers. Stepped closer. “Don’t be sorry. I’m not.”

“You deserve better,” he sighed. “Always have.”

“Maybe I don’t want better,” she countered. “Maybe I just want you.”

“I’m _crazy_.” He shook his head, but didn’t move away. “Actually crazy.”

“I haven’t exactly been in the best headspace either, not since…”

_Stay with me. Don’t leave. We’ve just started. I love you. Please…_

“I didn’t realize what had happened,” he said softly, like a confession. “I didn’t notice he’d hurt me until…”

Until it was too late.

He stepped forward, pressing his forehead to hers, trying to make her understand. “I didn’t want to leave you, you have to believe that. I never would have…”

“I know.” She smiled sadly, feeling his breaths ghost across her lips. “I know.”

“When you said… When I was…” He closed his eyes briefly, and when he opened them again she was surprised by the clarity there. “You know I feel that too, don’t you?”

She frowned. “I…”

“Felicity,” he breathed, and then, like he couldn’t help himself, he closed that tiny distance between their lips, kissing her long and slow. “I love you.”

Felicity whimpered as the words washed over her.

“I love you,” he repeated, softer than before. “I don’t know if this is real, or just a dream, but…”

“Neither do I.” Her words were quiet, like any noise could break the spell.

“I wasted so much time…” His brow furrowed and his fingers tensed. “I should have just… Why didn’t I just _tell you…_ Why-”

“It doesn’t matter,” she cut across, shaking her head. “You’re here now.”

“Felicity...” Her name was like a plea as his hands began to shake. He blinked forcefully, like he was trying to banish something from his mind, and Felicity felt her chest constrict.

The relieved sigh that left him when she pushed herself up on her toes and kissed him was proof of what she already knew. The only thing that was keeping him focused, that was stopping whatever The League had done to him from taking hold again, was _her_.

The moment his thoughts drifted away from the present, from the simple him and her, the tension that had been quietened began to build again, leaving him shaking and in pain. And it broke her heart.

“I’m here now,” she whispered, bringing their joined hands to her waist, under her shirt.

Oliver shivered.

Leaving his hands on her bare skin, Felicity let her own slowly reach out to touch him, one hand curling round the back of his neck while the fingers of her other slipped beneath his t-shirt to touch his newest scar.

“I’m here,” she repeated, pressing her lips to his in a gentle kiss.

His fingers flexed against her waist.

Pushing herself just that little bit higher on her toes, she kissed his jawline and felt as well as heard his sharp intake of breath at the contact.

“ _I’m here_.”

With a soft groan, Oliver pulled her tightly to him, one hand sliding to grip her hip as the other pressed against her lower back. The memory of what had happened last time they’d been in that exact position darkened one corner of her mind, but as his mouth found hers once again, light pushed it back and she lost herself in him.

“ _Oliver,”_ she gasped. His lips parted and he ran his tongue lightly over her bottom lip before gripping the hem of her shirt in his hands and pulling, lifting it over her head in a move much smoother than she thought possible.

Desperate to feel him, she scrambled to push his t-shirt up, fingers less sure than his had been, but she managed to get it over his head with only a few stumbles. As she dropped it unceremoniously onto the floor, he tugged her forward by the hips, bringing their chests together and making her moan softly.

He was so _warm_ , so _alive…_ but, somehow, that only made her need him more.

Oliver kissed his way down to her neck and reached behind her to unclasp her bra, every touch adding fuel to her fire. Felicity let her head drop back, tears prickling at the corner of her eyes as she tried and failed to keep her emotions under control.

Inhaling a shuddering breath, she forced her hands to start moving again, trailing her fingers down his scarred chest until she reached the waistband of his pants. She unbuttoned them with shaking fingers before pushing them to join the growing pile of clothes on the floor, then gasped as Oliver deftly unzipped her skirt at the back, fingers lingering against her skin as it, too, fell.

“Hold on,” he whispered as his hands slid to her thighs. With a slight nod, she looped her arms around his neck, lips finding his again as he gently lifted her. She wrapped her legs around him on instinct, but instead of their kisses becoming more urgent like she expected, they became slower and more intense, and she could feel them all the way to her toes.

“I love you,” he breathed into their next kiss, and suddenly she couldn’t breathe. In all her nightmares about what could have been, she’d never imagined he would be so tender, so open… she’d expected fireworks, that all-consuming lust and frenetic passion that had left her breathless when she awoke, but the slow-burning _love_ that she felt instead was even more intense, somehow, like a fire that had finally smoldered into an inferno.

“Felicity.”

When she opened her eyes and caught his gaze, air finally forced its way into her lungs, and she smiled. Her fingers ghosted down the side of his face, the scrape of his stubble reassuring against her skin. His eyes fluttered closed at the contact, and he sighed softly before opening them again. They were so blue, so clear… He didn’t even have to say the words for her to know how he felt. She could see it, laid bare in his gaze.

She could feel it in the brush of his lips against hers as he stepped closer to the bed, sense it in his careful yet firm hold as he gently lowered her onto the sheets and followed her down, catching himself on his forearm.

She could breathe it in as she gasped at the feel of his fingertips trailing up her thigh while his lips kissed a hot path down her sternum.

She could hear it in the sharp inhale of breath he took when her fingers carded through his hair as he pressed kisses to her hipbone. See it in the way his hands trembled as he slipped her underwear down and off her legs.

She could taste it in his hungry kisses as he made his way back up her body, pausing to tease her breasts before capturing her lips between his.

And then…

She could feel it in the ripple of his muscles as he moved over her, within her, consumed her.

She could taste it in the salt on her lips from tears - hers or his, she didn’t know.

She could hear it in his muttered words, his groans, his stuttered breaths.

She knew.


End file.
